Last year, I compiled a list of the best “boys” in video games. While a solid list, I want to compile a new one but with an added twist. In the wake of God of War’s success, I figure who better than to determine the next batch of noteworthy game kiddos than the Greek god and grumpy papa himself, Kratos. So without further ado, I’m handing the reins of this article over to him (he types better than you’d expect) so that he can provide his expert analysis.
Admittedly, all of his “picks” revolve around his son, Atreus in a somewhat bizarre turn of events. It doesn’t make a ton of sense. However, I’m not going to raise a stink with a guy that throws hands with deities on the regular. Just humor him, for my sake.
Kratos: “Perhaps the most talkative Boy, which says a lot. He often asks for stories. I told him about the frog who met a scorpion. The scorpion asked to ride atop its back across a river. The frog refused, for he feared being stung. The scorpion assured the frog that he would not sting. The frog carried the scorpion on his back and midway across the scorpion stung the frog. Both perished in the river. I believe this was Boat Boy’s favorite tale.”
“Useful, I suppose. I care not for the stories or gods of this land, but the Boy learned of such things from his mother. I
force request him read to me all manner of text we find throughout our journey. The Boy’s desire to learn more about the Aesir troubles me. I thought I taught him that all gods are evil. However, he does not seem to listen. If he only knew…”
“My favorite. After I taught the Boy that taking the lives of non-humans meant nothing compared to killing a person, his combat skills increased tenfold. His arrow fly true, so long as he remembers to clear his mind and think of his prey as targets and nothing more. After attaining victory, Battle Boy often seeks my opinion of his valor. I am brutally honest about his abilities. He needs more training but has become…adequate since embarking on our journey.”
*Hrumph*. “This Boy regularly tests my patience. I often catch him muttering disrespect under his breath. When I confront him about this, he quickly changes his tone–just like I thought. He often makes obvious observations and constantly challenges my ability. I am indeed capable of hitting all of the targets at once with my axe, Boy.”
“Another annoyance. He wishes to help everyone. Be it elf, dwarves, spirits, this Boy hasn’t learned to focus on the mission and nothing else. I’ll never understand his enthusiasm. Though I often assist in these distractions, it is because I believe them to be good lessons for him. Nothing more.”